Unconditional Hate
by Yoshiyuki Ly
Summary: Triwizard Tournament/Fleurmione parody.


**Note: **8/2008.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own HP, the characters, settings, etc.

* * *

The Triwizard Tournament was here! Every Hogwarts student was chattering incessantly in the Great Hall, clearly anticipating the arrival of the foreigners. The Gryffindor table in particular was filled with beaming faces and a sea of never-ending conversations, wondering and wondering what their guests would be like because there was nothing else to talk about.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the exception, because they were Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Not Hermione, Harry, and Ron. Or even... Well, you get the idea of permutation I'm alluding to.

"Hermione! Hermione!" Ron bellowed. Hermione was too absorbed in her book that took up nearly half the table.

"Hermione, don't you hear Ron calling you?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"Nope," Hermione said absently as she flipped the page; Ron was still busy shouting her name over and over again.

"But he's yelling his lungs out and you hear me just fine."

"That's because my ears are only tuned to hear your voice, Harry. It explains so much about us."

"What does it...explain?"

"Aren't you supposed to be the perceptive one? Honestly, boys these days," Hermione sighed as she finally closed her book. Ron decided to stop shouting her name and actually join in the conversation.

"Well if you don't like boys so much, why don't you just turn into a lesbian?"

"A lesbian? Really, Ron?"

"Yeah! The first girl I start drooling over, because I only drool when I show affection, will be your soulmate!"

Hermione thought about this. It seemed like such a strange and simple way to change her sexuality, if she even had one. That was fine; she'd accept her being a lesbian openly, and not get embarrassed if a woman were to ever act suggestively with her. Nor would she dismiss any suggestive thoughts of her own. Especially not for her soulmate, whatever that meant. But it was _Ron, _her best friend! They _needed_ to have a heart-to-heart about this first.

"And just why should I believe you and do as you say?"

"Because you and I always argue, and you seem to only respond positively to me when we argue. As if it has nothing to do with us secretly being in love," Ron said calmly. Hermione and Harry nodded in agreement.

"Well, I guess that means I have to do as you say. I just want to get over you, and prove that I've never had any feelings for you. But then you need to be jealous for seemingly no reason, because you've never had feelings for me, either. Truce?"

"Truce."

Hermione and Ron exchanged heated glances as their way of being in character for agreeing with each other, and Harry continued sitting idly in the background, not knowing what else to do. They were his best friends, and he never had the heart to play matchmaker with them because he had to be hopeless with romance until his sixth year.

Dumbledore mysteriously finished his speech about their guests, and the Beauxbatons girls began entering the hall unceremoniously. They were clearly freezing, but Harry, Ron and Hermione had their attention focused on one girl in particular. It was a very special girl, with blue eyes and silvery blonde hair. She had an amazing air of confidence about herself as she walked next to her Headmistress. She seemed rather short compared to the woman. _Extremely _short. Hell, she was shorter than all the girls.

"That one!" Ron said, pointing to her.

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because we never agree on anything. Besides, I don't think it would be appropriate."

"What? Why not? She's bloody gorgeous!"

"Which one are you talking about, exactly? If it's who I think it is..."

"The one with the blue robes, blonde hair, blue eyes, and pale skin! How hard is it to pick her out?"

"I'm having a hard time myself," said Harry, scratching his scar; he couldn't believe how anyone could _ever _stand out. Ron grumbled.

"THAT one!" Ron hissed as they all sat down at the Ravenclaw table, pointing to his new object of interest.

"Isn't she a bit young?" Harry asked.

"What? Since when do you care about age differences?" Ron shook his head; he had been pointing at Gabrielle the whole time. Harry shrugged.

"Well, since we never agree, I'm just going to pick the taller girl to be my soulmate. You can have the shorter one, and settle for less to please me," Hermione concluded calmly, nodding in Fleur's direction.

"Fine," Ron said darkly.

Unbeknownst to the trio, Fleur had been occasionally stealing glances at Hermione while the inadvertent red clad Durmstrang students stomped through the hall. But no one noticed them, (they were too busy staring at Fleur, after all). She grew angry that the girl and her friends were checking her _sister _out, and _not _her. The bushy-haired one even had the NERVE to nod at her without glaring! Every girl hated Fleur, because Fleur was better than them and they knew it. But the bookish girl didn't think like that!

Fleur had a strong desire to put her in her place as she floated over the tables to the Gryffindor one. She needed some kind of excuse to meander all the way across the silent Great Hall and express her anger, because this is the only canon first encounter the two could ever have.

"Are you wanting ze bouillabaisse zere?" Fleur asked casually as she reached the trio. She turned her nose up at Ron for effect, but he wasn't drooling. Fleur disliked him, too, for not drooling.

"Bless you," Ron said, still devoid of drool on his features.

"What?" Fleur asked, clearly not understanding.

"I said 'bless you.'"

"Why?"

"It's a form of flattery."

Fleur looked at her fingernails absently while the rest of the population of the Great Hall ogled at her. She felt very uncomfortable that these three were not ogling, and instead treating her like a human being and politely giving her their attention. She wouldn't stand for only three quarters of her blood being accepted and respected! Or was it half? She could never keep track.

Fleur huffed and stuck her chest out as she sat down in between Hermione and Harry, with Ron right across from them. The trio continued patiently giving her their attention, and Fleur felt suffocated, but she couldn't show it. Never.

Though, Hermione took the moment of silence between the four of them to realize that her supposed soulmate was sitting right next to her. She scolded herself for not being attentive and realizing seconds ago that she needed her heart to start racing. Butterflies and stomach flips were in order, as well as some definite blushing under the gaze of her platonic crush.

Fleur seemed to notice, and quickly regained her confidence as she flicked her hair over her shoulders. She laughed loudly in the hall for all to hear, because all they cared about was her tinkling bell-like laugh and conversation with the three most popular students in school.

"I am Fleur Delacour. You must be ze famous 'Ermione Granger I 'ave 'eard so much about," Fleur said chattily.

"Huh? H-how do you know?" Hermione asked, a strange shyness overcoming her all of a sudden.

"I don't know. I was supposed to 'ear about it from no one in particular," she shrugged. The trio nodded.

"And it's not 'Ermione," Hermione pointed out, forgetting her shyness to put the older girl in her place.

"Zen what is it?"

"Hermione."

"'Ermione. Zat is what I said."

"No, you said 'Ermione. There's a huge difference. You're completely leaving out the H!"

"Oh what does it matter?" Fleur spat, though not a speck of saliva ended up on Hermione's calm face.

"It doesn't say 'Ermione Jane Puckle on my birth certificate. Hermione Jean Granger, thank you."

Fleur was very put off by Hermione's attention to detail, but supposed that it had something to do with attraction. Since, you know, the only one she could ever love had to either hate her or actually speak normally to her. Both would be even better.

Despite the fact that she was able to turn her thrall on and off, she immediately assumed that these three were immune to it. Fleur decided that these three would be her new best friends so that she could actually fit in somewhere in the general plot instead of being shoved in the background. She was Fleur, after all.

"I 'ave decided to grace you all wiz my presence for ze rest of ze year. I zink it will do you all some good."

"Or are you just saying that because you're horribly insecure about yourself for us not really paying attention to you like everyone else does?" asked Harry.

"No, you stupid little boy!"

"Little boy?" Harry was clearly taken aback by her insult, not at all fazed by the stupid part. How fitting.

"Oui. What are you going to do now, hm? Hiss and spit at me dangerously?"

"No, but I could keep pointing out your horribly hidden faults and make you upset," Hermione answered for him; she felt strangely confrontational all of a sudden for Fleur insulting her friend with such a childish comeback.

"Ehh..." Fleur stared at the younger girl uncertainly; Hermione really did know how to put her in her place. It was quite the turn on.

"For one, I can tell you're just a fake girl who really wants to be accepted for who you are. I do that, but you pretend to hate it. I have a strange need to bring out all of your insecurities and stomp all over them, because I want to see the real you."

"What? Why? You 'ardly know me, and you're suddenly going on about all of zat?"

"Yes. I'm the brightest witch of our age, you know."

"Since when do you brag about that?" Ron asked with interest.

"Not now, Ronald!" Hermione bit back; she hated it when people saw her faults. Fleur raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay then, I'll just wait."

"What's wrong with you? I yelled at you first; you're supposed to take that as a sign to yell back!"

"But that's so stupid."

"I NEED your attention right now, Ron!"

"Why _now?" _Ron asked, quite bored with the proceedings. Harry and Fleur stared at the two, confused.

"Be_cause! _I need Fleur to be horribly jealous that I'm paying more attention to you than her."

"Oh. Well I'm not in the mood to argue right now. Why don't we go find someone else to do this with?"

"Fine!"

"But not now; I'm tired. Let's wait until tomorrow so we'll have more places to look for people besides the Great Hall."

"Alright," Hermione said, smiling. Fleur and Harry were still sitting in the background, unnoticed. Not that they minded; they're scheduled to mind tomorrow, anyway.

Tomorrow finally arrived, and Fleur, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the Gryffindor common room together, chatting mildly about nothing in particular. The schedule for their drama was due to start now. Hermione stood up, going completely out of character as she yelled at Fleur, who was busy giving her attention to Harry. The little boy concept seemed to have grown on her.

"Why are you talking to him and not me?"

"But 'Arry, I truly do not understand why I am supposed to be snobby and insufferable. It is such a 'orrible stereotype for women of beauty."

"It is," Harry nodded. Ron was busy staring off in the distance, not really caring about anything.

"HELLO? Earth to Fleur?"

"Hm? Oh, I am terribly sorry, 'Er-... Whatever your name is."

"Excuse me?"

"I am pretending to be upset over you paying more attention to Ron zan me last night, so I am ignoring you now. Go do some'zing else to make me notice and swoon over you," Fleur said, shooing her away with a lazy wave of her hand.

"What? I'm demanding your attention right now, Fleur, and you're going to give it to me!"

Fleur moved her mouth to Ron's ear and muttered to him, (Hermione was trembling with fury/jealousy) "Tell 'er zat my character is supposed to be envious of every'zing she does, and I only said zat to make 'er mad." Ron smirked and cleared his throat as Fleur resumed her normal sitting position.

"Fleur said her character-"

"I _heard _her, Ronald!"

"Then go do what she said, geez! Women.."

"Maybe you should turn gay if it's such a horrible problem," said George, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"Why in the world would I do that?" Ron asked incredulously.

"That's usually how these epiphanies of sexuality happen. Just a casual, off-handed suggestion."

"Oh. Okay then. Harry, would you-"

"N-no, Ron," Harry mumbled. Ron was near tears as he stood and walked next to Hermione, who was also near tears. Fleur took her usual spot of going unnoticed again, along with George.

"Well, fine! Hermione, let's go find someone to make them jealous!"

"Yes, let's!"

"I'll go with you!" suggested George.

"Why?"

"Fred isn't attached to my side and I'm suddenly feeling very caring for you and my brother right now. Let's go."

"Alright," said Ron, smiling as he, Hermione, and George left the common room. Fleur and Harry shrugged and went back to discussing up-to-date feminine views for no apparent reason.

While the three wandered the halls, they found Ginny and Draco walking together. Ron characteristically looked shocked to see his baby sister with none other than his arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy. Hermione and George watched as he stomped over to them, red in the face.

"What the bloody hell are you doing with my sister?"

"Walking," Draco shrugged. Ginny nodded.

"Why?"

"Because I'm awesome. She knows it, and she's not afraid to deny it. Even if it means exposing our secret relationship."

"What? Why're you going out with THIS slimy git!"

"Because," Ginny sighed. "I'm insanely too shy to tell Harry how I feel about him, but I have no problems whatsoever dating every other guy who tickles my fancy. Besides, I like going out with the bad boys so you'll get angry and possessive of me in a brotherly way."

"Oh."

"So does that mean I can't use you to make Fleur jealous?" Hermione asked.

"Why would you use_ me?"_

"You're my only best friend who's a girl, and I'm supposed to be a lesbian now."

"Oh. Well, sure. I guess I can be bisexual now. Draco, wait here."

"Alright. But can the twin stay with me? I need another red head to keep me company. Me gets a tad lonely when I've no one to ogle me."

"Um, okay. George, you heard him." Draco beamed as George shuffled over to him.

"Will he do for Fred in the mean time?" Ron asked as Hermione took Ginny's hand uncertainly.

"I suppose," George shrugged. Draco inched closed to him and George looked down at him apprehensively.

"Okay then. See you," Ron said over his shoulder as he and the girls went back to the common room.

On the way back, they found McGonagall roaming the halls, looking rather disheveled to see Hermione and Ginny holding hands. The Transfiguration professor spoke up about this as she stopped the Gryffindors in their tracks.

"Miss Granger, Miss Weasley! What _are _you doing?"

"Holding hands," Hermione shrugged.

"Is that a crime?" Ginny asked.

"Well...no."

"Okay then, if you'll just excuse us," Ron said politely. McGonagall looked scandalized that he didn't falter under her presence.

"I don't think so, Mr. Weasley. While I have nothing against their relationship-"

"We're not going out," Ginny cut her off.

"...then why are you holding hands?"

"_Because," _Hermione sighed. "I'm trying to make Fleur jealous. Here! Hold my hand, professor."

"Wh-what?" McGonagall's pointy hat nearly bobbed off her head as Hermione took her hand and continued walking back to the common room.

"I've always had a fascination with you, I think, because you're so intelligent like me. I admire that in you, but you're far too old for me."

"I beg your pardon!"

"Bless you," said Ron.

"No! What do you mean I'm too old for you?"

"Don't tell me you fancy Hermione, too, professor!" Ginny said, aghast. McGonagall didn't know what to say.

"It's quite alright," Hermione said, blushing as she smiled. "I'll let you shine for a few moments while I use you to make Fleur jealous."

"Besides," Ron said, cutting off any retorts from his Head of House. "Don't you and Dumbledore have something going on?"

"...no."

"Ohh, don't tell us he's gay!" Ginny said.

"What does this have to do with anything? And will you let go of my hand?"

"No, professor!" Hermione said exasperatedly. "I need Fleur to notice me! Otherwise I'll forever be a boring, bookish girl in her eyes."

"Since when do you care about what people think of you, Miss Granger?"

"Since I found out that being dramatic and girly makes people notice me more. I suddenly don't like being noticed for my intelligence anymore."

"I feel sorry for the poor bloke who tries to pull the intelligence card on you," Ron laughed. Ginny and Hermione joined him while McGonagall looked extremely nervous and uncomfortable as they entered the common room.

Hermione and Ginny immediately put on their sexy faces (assuming they have one) as they strode over to Fleur and Harry, who were still chatting away about feminism. They were too caught up in their conversation to notice the girls in front of them, and Fleur laughed openly at a remark Harry made about make-up and breasts.

"It is quite true, 'Arry," Fleur said as she wiped her eye. "Girls crack me up, zinking if zey wear ample make-up and stuff zeir bras zat people will notice zem."

"But wouldn't it be fun for someone to try?"

"Indeed." Fleur finally turned to Hermione. "Ahh, you zere, ze nerdy girl 'oom I am supposed to 'ate - why don't you try zat? I am well aware zat you are just using Ginny."

"What? How?"

"I 'eard she is a slut," Fleur said simply. Ron laughed, but Harry, Hermione, and Ginny looked shocked; as if it had never occured to them.

"From who?" Ginny asked crossly.

"I do not know. Zis is like 'igh school, non? Rumors spread very quickly."

"But you don't even _go _here," Hermione complained.

"So?"

"B-but what about her?" Hermione asked, raising her hand that was intertwined with McGonagall's. The professor still looked extremely uncomfortable.

"She is too old for you, don't even start wiz 'er. I know pedophilia must be all ze rage 'ere; believe me. I _know."_

"What do you know..?"

Fleur covered her face with her hair and stood up. She walked slowly over to Hermione and frowned at her, clasping her hand behind her back as she bent down to be level with her face. Fleur made sure to stick out her nose as she spoke to the very nervous Hermione in front of her.

"Five points from Gryffindor for your snarky remarks, Miss Granger."

Hermione's eyes widened as McGonagall and the rest of her friends eyed her strangely. Fleur smirked and fixed her hair before sitting back down with Harry and dismissing Hermione once again.

"Now, off wiz you. 'Arry and I were just 'aving a nice conversation zat you interrupted. I am going back to ignoring you now."

"FINE!"

Hermione dragged Ginny, McGonagall and Ron with her up to the girls' dormitories (even though the staircase should have turned into a slide the moment Ron set foot on it), and paced around her room. Ron and Ginny chose not to bring up her possible affair with Snape, and tried hard to forget about it. McGonagall faded into the background, as needed. Lavender and Parvati were there as well, talking and giggling loudly about Seamus Finnigan's latest blunder.

"Hey, you two!" Ron yelled. Lavender and Parvati stopped and eyed Ron dangerously for interrupting their important discussion.

"What?" Lavender asked, annoyed.

"Make me prettier," Hermione said.

"Why?" Parvati asked, also annoyed. And confused.

"Because I need Fleur to notice me and get jealous of me."

"Is _that _why you're holding Ginny's and...Professor McGonagall's hand?" Lavender asked uncertainly as she finally noticed McGonagall floating awkwardly next to Hermione.

"Yes."

"Oh, alright. Come here, then."

Parvati used her wand to beautify Hermione's face and hair quickly, then fixed her robes and skirt. Once that was done, she moved down to Hermione's chest. She flicked her wand, but try as she might, nothing seemed to work. Lavender frowned and reached inside her shirt and pulled out a bit of feminine stuffing. She shoved it down Hermione's shirt and cocked her head interestedly as she, Parvati, Ron, and Ginny observed her. McGonagall was blinking and staring off into the distance incredulously.

"There, that should do," Parvati said, looking satisfied. Lavender nodded in agreement as Hermione looked at herself in the mirror.

"Wow. Fleur's bound to notice me now. Thanks!"

"No problem," the girls said in unison as they smiled approvingly. Hermione turned on her heel with McGonagall and Ginny, with Ron following right after as they went back down to the common room.

"Oh, but guys," Hermione said quietly as they neared Fleur and Harry, who were still talking animatedly.

"What's up?" Ron asked.

"Does my bra really look stuffed?"

"Not at all," Ginny said positively.

"Why...do you care, Miss Granger?" McGonagall croaked.

"Fleur does that to me. Merlin, I hate her for it, too!"

"...okay."

"How about now, Fleur?" Hermione asked loudly as she brought Ginny and McGonagall closer to her, using them both as sexy props. Fleur appeared not to have heard her.

"Um, hello?" Ron asked.

"Hm?"

"Look at her!"

Fleur sighed in irritation for yet again being interrupted as she turned to face Hermione. Surely, Hermione truly believed her to be so shallow as to only love her for her beauty or body. Hermione really was the one hiding behind something to hide her own insecurities if that was the case. Fleur didn't understand the girl sometimes.

"'Ow cute," Fleur said simply as she smiled at Hermione briefly, then returned her attention to Harry. Hermione fumed.

"But I'm sexy now! You're _supposed _to notice me like you said you would!"

"And you believed me? I doubt you really are ze brightest witch of your age, 'Erm-...ehh. 'Ooever you are."

"It's Hermione!"

"Whatever."

"And I'm your soulmate, so you're supposed to love me!"

"So?"

"...so that means you have to feel pity for me and fall hopelessly in love with me."

"But I zought you loved me _because _I don't pity you, or even care about you?"

"...you're right."

"Alright zen. Try again later when I care, non?"

"FINE!"

Hermione dragged her props (Ron included) out of the common room with her, crying because it was the appropriate thing to do. Fleur was laughing scathingly at her, because it was who she was. And Harry, being Harry, decided not to say anything.


End file.
